The Perfect Christmas

Every year, I have this image of this perfect Christmas. My hopes are high for a complete change from prior years....this one will be meaningful and "stress-free". I will:
1. Get my shopping done before Thanksgiving
2. Have my Christmas cards ready to go on Dec. 1st with a nice personal note and a loving family picture
3. Everything will be pre-baked and waiting to be defrosted
4. I will have every little gift determined with a specialness to it that speaks of a personal touch and thoughtfulness
5. Every present wrapped with decorative bows and pizazz
6. The Christmas music will be playing in the background
7. The fire will be blazing
8. The decorations will be tasteful and gorgeous
9. My family will all be "dressed to the nines" without any complaining or whining
10. The season will be a reflection of Christ with great spiritual forethought and giving
11. The cookies will be on a plate, with neighbors stopping by for cocoa and conversation to a house of peace and tranquility....a place of calm and dignity...a harbor from the storm..... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! My house is the storm. I want to have family tradition....well the tradition in our family is one of yelling, being fussy, stress, and all around grouchiness. But I have reached an all time high (or low as the case may be). Let me explain.....

Tuesday, I had a Jenny Craig appointment. I asked Jenna if she would like me to pick her up at school after work and take her with me or have her older brother watch her....that was a "no brainer"....
So I worked an unbelievable amount of packages for the postal service(gee, I wonder why???) and raced home from work. I didn't even get a shower.....no time. I did a pit check and dabbed on a little more deodorant. I called the school and asked to have Jenna dismissed at 2:40 p.m. I waited in the car til 2:45 p.m. and then walked in to the lobby of the school. She was running late and still gathering her things. My fifty minute drive was now forced into a 40 minute drive.

On the way over, my daughter was obviously happy as she turned up the Christmas carols on the radio at every song. "OOOhhhh, I like this one." After every one, I turned the song down lower. I barely kept myself from biting my tongue in two, but I never said a word.

Driving like a maniac, I was still five minutes late to my Jenny Craig appointment. I left Jenna in the front of the store, while I went back to get "Horror of all Horrors" weighed-in. In three weeks time, I had gained 4 pounds..... I knew it was coming, but not FOUR of them. I had been to a wedding, sampled all the Christmas presents from my customers, drank like a fish, and wondered why I gained. Still, the shock of seeing my back pedaling upset me.

Then it was off to Wal-mart to finish off the Christmas shopping. I literally had two people run in to me with their carts. The parking lot was like the Grand Prix. I yelled my outrage at several Dale Earnhardts and Jeff Gordons.

In rebellion to my earlier appointment, I stopped off at KFC (the antipathy of Jenny Craig) and bought a piece of fried chicken and a large diet Coke, before I started being good tomorrow. Jenna looked at me and said in a chiding tone, "Your going to gain another pound...." I gave her the "stinky eye", even though my conscious was screaming the same line.

On the way home, I knew it was bad when my daughter looks at me with all seriousness and asks, "Mom, do I need to enroll you in an Anger Management class?"

I was speechless for a second as I glanced at her face and realised she was serious. Where does she get this stuff??? Only out of the mouth of babes.........it was a sign from God that I needed to lighten up. She was being more the parent and I was being the angry little child throwing the temper tantrum.

I broke out into laughter, til I almost peed my pants. I looked in that innocent little face. Her tense little body and face immediately started to relax. I had no idea I was throwing off those waves of tension. I realised I had reached an all time high (or low as I stated earlier) in my dealings with the Christmas season.

Maybe some day I will have the perfect Christmas....but then, wouldn't that be too perfect, and definitely not my family. I realised I love my family and Christmas is in the heart....not in my "perfect little world" mind of mine...Thank the good Lord.

Only in a Small Town.....

AM I CRAZY??????????  Who adds to the stress of the Christmas holidays by taking on one more project....that's right....me.  And not only do I do this to myself, but I drag my best friend into the craziness with me.  The conversation on our cells last Wednesday went something like this....

SHERI: "Angela...this is Sheri...I NEED YOUR HELP..."

[(I didn't waste anytime with the niceties of "Hello!" or "How are you doing?".  I just got straight to the heart of the matter.  I had just got back from the classroom at the elemetary school and found out, basically I (or "we" as you will soon see) had ten days to put together a five-course meal for 37-5th graders.  So I called in the "Big Guns".  My best friend and Co-General in this fight....Angela.]

Let me give you a little background about my friend, Angela.  She has just this year enrolled her girls in public school.  For the last six years, Angela has homeschooled her girls to my utter amazement and respect, but that is another blog...  She is still in the "honeymoon phase" (I call it) of parenting in partnership with educators other than herself.  She is so willing to help and "go the extra mile" in every activity involving her children.  Just an example...I have learned that "Little Debbies" work just as well as "homebaked", "slaved-over" treats and the kids even recognize them more.  Angela is still trying to come up with these incredible four-hour, creative birthday masterpieces to impress the teachers and kids and to make her daughter feel special.  AAaaahhh, Angela, I have soooo much to teach you. (HAHAHAHAHA)

Back to the cell conversation....

SHERI: "The 5th grade Christmas Party is on the 20th and we need to have a planning session.  When will you be by..." 

(Notice I left her no options and nailed her on our initial stategy plan.  My dad retired a full Colonel in the Army and my blood was obviously rising to the surface.  My motto was "Show No Mercy".)

ANGELA:  "I...uh....am on my way to Joplin...."

SHERI:  "You can swing by here on your way home, can't you??" I asked with a little whine in my voice.

ANGELA:  "I have to pick up Hannah from school..."

SHERI:  "Bring her with you..."

ANGELA:  "O.K....."

Snagged, hook, line, and sinker!!!!!  I have to admit, there has been no hesitation on her part, and she has jumped into this project with determination....even though this is the absolutely worse time of the year to add one more task.So, again, tonight with another 1 1/2 hour planning session.....this time I picked up her girls from school (Notice the tactical maneuver, with the small favor completed....*laugh, laugh*).  We made up a shopping list of all necessary items and discussed serving and decorations.  We have since enlisted the help of both our husbands and I even recruited my mother-in-law to serve.....she is such a jewel!!!

I stopped by our local meat locker on the way.  The butcher just happens to be my husband's cousin somewhere in the line of the family.  Don't ask me to explain the connection.....I have been married to this man for over seventeen years and still don't have all his family straight....for they comprise half the county.  I asked him for 10 lbs. of burger and he said "Jeff just bought ten pounds on Tuesday.....Are you sure you need another ten pounds???".....only in a small town does your butcher try to talk you out of a purchase because he knows your spouse has already been there.  I explained it to him that this was for the 5th grade Christmas party, not expecting any discount.  He gave us two-5 1/4 lb. blocks of meat.  10 1/2 pounds for $20.  He said, "Since it is for the kids....."  I thanked him profusely, threw the two rocks in the back of the Expedition for better traction in the snow.....those things are heavy.  Got home and "feat of all feats" made room in my fridge to start defrosting those "bad boys" now.

Say a prayer for us, as we try to get this project completed.....I had such high hopes of sending out christmas cards with family photos this year....I think that will have to be next year....but I may just send one to the butcher.

My Little Monster

It has come to my attention that my sweet, competitive, ten-year-old daughter is a complete monster. She worked on me with all of the skill of a corps of diplomats to create a blog for her. I made the stipulation that she must write at least five (count 'em FIVE) stories before she could even consider asking me again. She worked like an obsessed crack addict looking for her next fix. She had them whipped out in two days. Next my adorable, conspiring, little sneak unassumingly asked about a site meter for her blog. Not realizing where this was headed, I put one on her blog site. Now this beautiful, faerie-faced blond has the gaul to keep asking me How many hits do you have... or Gee, look at my numbers on my site meter, Mom... It is a race!!!

In actuality, Jenna is a jewel. Her creative genius leaps off the screen when you read her stories. It is amazing insight to how a young girl processes thoughts. I am very honored she is mimicking me at this point in her life. I know those days are coming to a close. Her writing skills are fast developing and I know her teachers struggle. She is so bright; she must be a real challenge to keep busy in the classroom. So check out her blog at www.kermit-froggie-girl.blogspot.com to see the world through the eyes of a future, best-selling author.

Oh, and by the way, Jenna, we now have five stories-a-piece. You better write another one!! HAHA!