Snails for Sale

As a letter carrier walking around on my route, I came upon three dirty little urchins under the age of five enclosed in a fenced yard. The humid weather had t-shirts uncomfortably soaked to the skin that afternoon. The mud-streaked, cherubic faces and grubby hands immediately made my heart melt as they raced to the chain-link to greet me. Beating the boys to the fence were two dogs-one so ugly having a face only an owner or a small boy could love and the other a yippy snippet. The youngest boy of the trio had a distraught look on his face and his partners started to explain his dilemma.

“Lady, we want to sell these snails we dug up today, but nobody will buy them.”

“Maybe you need to make a sign,” I commented.

“We would but we don’t spell good.” Obviously his grammar needed a little adjustment as well, but I resisted the temptation to correct him.

“Then maybe you should ask your grandma,” I politely suggested.

“Well she’s at the casino and my Uncle Ronnie is taking a nap.”

“Well don’t give up fellas. Stick with it……How much are you selling these snails for anyway?” I questioned.

“Three dollars”, said the oldest one.

“I have three quarters. Will that do?”

All three of the entrepreneurs’ eyes met and they shook their heads in approval. Blackened nails dug desperately in the Tupperware box with holes trying to please their first customer. Needless to say I hesitated about carrying a snail around on the route the rest of the afternoon. It would give a whole new meaning to the word “Snail Mail”. I pointed out a snail shell.

“Since I didn’t have three dollars, I’ll just take the shell.”

“Sure,” the boys chorused.

Each dirt encrusted palm flipped for payment as the transaction took place.

“It’s good doing business with you guys.”

Pleased with themselves, boys and dogs flew to the house to what I am sure was a disgruntled Uncle Ronnie being woken up from his nap.

Continuing on the route with a smile on my face for the cost of 75 cents, I tried to remember what little boys were made of….

“What Are Little Boys Made Of?”
What are little boys made of, made of?
What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy-dogs’ tails,
That’s what little boys are made of.

What are little girls made of, made of?
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice, and everything nice,
That’s what little girls are made of.

By Robert Southey 19th century